he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
