Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
