I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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