I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
