Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
