I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
smell my finger.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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