From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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