Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
