He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
