As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
