Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
