Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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