Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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