Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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