The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
