kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
