Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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