Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
