And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
