bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
