I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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