So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
