I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
