just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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