She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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