Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
