You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
