...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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