i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
