Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
