Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
