I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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