I need help removing her.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
