Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
