I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
