I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
