I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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