I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
