Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
