Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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