And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
