It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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