Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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