dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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