So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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