Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
