i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I deserve this hangover.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
