The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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