So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
