We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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