why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
